Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
