at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
