whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
