No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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