put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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