Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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