I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
