And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
