I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
my liver is dry heaving
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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