Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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