dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
