I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
