I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
