My first STD was from a foam party
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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