Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Pooping to opera.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
