So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
