I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize