tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize