you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
