So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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