Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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