I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
