this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
