just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
