No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
