At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
