Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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