she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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