WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
