New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
