Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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