I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
