I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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