You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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