I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
