On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
