I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
