I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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