By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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