So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
