He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
