her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am naked and annoyed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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