but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
