Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
