I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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