Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
