We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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