today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
