i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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