Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
