I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
