There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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