Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
