I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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