I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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