She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
