Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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