Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
3 2 1 whiskey
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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