btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize