Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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