I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
