One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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