just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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