You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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