I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's never too late to be topless.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
