literally had 100 drinks last night.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
