pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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