Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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