the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
