Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
