oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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