Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
