yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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